I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Come on in and take your pants off
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