1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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