How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize