Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
