My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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