Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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