Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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