i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize