no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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