I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
