I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
