I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
