By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
