Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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