Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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