I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
