he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
