I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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