If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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