Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
