i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize