and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
