i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
