Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
