So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
