So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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