Pants 0. Shit 1.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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