How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
