I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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