Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Cover your peen. We're going out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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