Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Randomize
