I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
