All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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