My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
