i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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