I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
