I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
