Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
