Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
