in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
