I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
