i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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