RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
