I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
