it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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