Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
