My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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