Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
