but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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