Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
