my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
