yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
