Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
