The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
