I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
