.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think your dad took our porno
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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