I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
