Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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