K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
