Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize