apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
only if we run a train.
done.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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