Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
