I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
