Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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