I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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