It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Define "chronic" masturbator.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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