i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
