she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
