so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
