will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
