how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
