Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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