He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
