he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sext me about skeletons
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
