dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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