Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
