Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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