my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
