I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
