Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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