She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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