If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
