To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
