Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
