Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
