somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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