Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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