I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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