A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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