Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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