What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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