dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
