Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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