there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They are going to name an STD after you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
