whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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