I want to walk on stilts...naked
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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