am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
