So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
