So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
