I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
