never play flip cup with pint glasses
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
