literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
vagina is talking i cant
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
