Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
