At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
