You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
