What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize