we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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