; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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