I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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